not ok and ok

I'm learning everyday that I have to embrace whatever i'm feeling when I feel it. I cry everyday and I laugh everyday and that's ok. I am grateful for all the love and support. I got some gorgeous flowers from the davis park ward that sure make me think happy thoughts. The temple was lovely.. I didn't cry until I had to leave. I wish I could live there. My MTC companion is the traveling sister so i got to go spend a night with her which was really good. The made me a cake and they sang to me at the subway pick up place and we ate cake on the back of the car. I'm just wondering how to do this.. but i'll keep trying. I don't have much time left... this guy came and sat by me and talked to me for awhile.. he said i talked to him on the bus before and he was asking me questions... kinda strange. There are soo many interesting people here. I got kinda tired the other night and we were waiting for someone on the corner and i sat down on a bench and then this guy came and sat down and he was eating a frosty or something and he all the sudden was yelling COLD! COLD! COLD AS THE NORTH POLE! COLD AS A STONE! COLD! I held it together... I know how he feels sometimes i feel like just yelling it out but i never do.. well now in the morning my companion and I do just for a laugh. We've had some super crazy experiences this past week. I guess i tried eating some chocolate covered almonds someone gave me in my sleep last night because I woke up with A TON of chocolate all over me and my sheets, good thing it was laundry day! I have been given so much food. I loved the gift jen sent of the book of pictures and sweet things from you all. I can't stop showing it off... I love it. THanks for the scarf barb and shirts holly and pens and sticky notes and candy heatho. I sure am grateful. I just keep thinking about how sad all of this is but it's not the saddest thing. Covenants were kept, love abounds and our family is forever. Mom lives on in all of us and I'm so grateful for all she's done for me. I love the scriptures. I love you all. I miss you and pray for you.


Love Sister Savage

I really wanted to carve a pumpkin for halloween, and I found one at the church and they let me take it.. so I carved it for mom. and then these are my latest companions and me.

Monicas Tribute to Mom (Read at Laura's Funeral)

I don't have words to express any of my feelings. The disappointment and grief has been crushing. When I received the call that mom had passed away many thoughts came to my head that I had to wrestle with. I questioned If I had a lack of faith, or was unworthy of the miracle I wanted so much. Then I was flooded with these thoughts. My mom is the miracle. My 22 years with her as my mother was a miracle. Her Family is a miracle. She's no longer in pain, that's a miracle. All my precious memories are a miracle. The Atonement is a miracle. The Restoration is a miracle. So I still believe in miracles, I have been witness to many. I'm so grateful she's not hurting or scared. I attribute so much of me to my mom, my love for children, my love for all the beautiful simple things, and so much more. I love Alma 40:12 "And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow." That's all I've ever wanted for you mom, it is quite thrilling to think of you having it. The moments you would look at me like I was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen or praise me for a poem i had written like I was the most talented person you'd ever met have done so much for me.I know I'm not but I know you really believed it. You've always loved poetry and i wish I had the talent to express all that I want but this poem is for you my angel mother.

The day has come too soon for me

My angel mother I cannot see,

Time here seems so very long

but in my heart you are a song,

A song of love and warmth so pure

The kind of song that will endure,

That's why a missionary I chose to be

To sing that song you've sung to me,

Thank you for all you've taught

Something that could not be bought,

In this work I've had many tell me I'm wrong

but now more than ever I don't doubt the song,

Though in sorrow my head I bow

Because you're my angel mother now,

The truth is that's nothing new to me

My angel mother you've always been and will be.

It was a tender mercy to receive you're birthday card early mom. I love you and like you so much too. I'm honored to be your baby. I am so grateful that even though you had your hands more than full you added me to the beautiful picture of your life. I miss you so much but I'm so excited for forever. I know you are the busiest most beautiful angel up there and now you have no limits and can serve all you've want.. wow i bet you're happy. This has turned into a letter to my mom but i would like to thank all of you for all the love and support. I want you to know I know that God lives and that families are forever!

Hallelujah Anyhow

Music has been a big comfort this week. There is a sweet lady from trinidad here that we visit and she taught us this song this week. " Hallelujah anyhow, never never let your troubles get you down, when life's troubles come your way hold your head up high and say Hallelujah anyhow!" I'm far away but hallelujah my mom is alive, she can't talk but hallelujah she's my mom forever. I miss all of you but hallelujah you're there and your mine! Hallelujah we know the truth and have all the blessings of the temple! I get to go on the 11 and i just can't wait. It has been a long time but i look forward to the peace that is there. Sweet hour of prayer has been my favorite hymn this week. "Sweet hour of prayer that calls me from a world of care and bids me at my fathers throne make all my wants and wishes known, in seasons of distress and grief my soul has often found relief and oft escaped the tempters snare by the return sweet hour of prayer."I'm getting kicked off the computer but i love you all. I've really been so blessed and comforted and the work goes on and is great! I love you!                  Love me

a grateful heart

Well this has been the hardest week on the mission by far. It all started when we got a call that one of the sisters had to go home for knee surgery so Sister HAkaraia was going to be moved to missisauga and Sister Rosenlof and I would be staying in Down town toronto. It was so sad to have her go and I just have no idea what i'm doing but we have been managing and having lots of adventures. The addressess here can be pretty messed up. Then Sat morning Sister Eyre called to tell me about mom's accident... holly called shortly after and I got to talk to her as she was going up to the temple. It breaks my heart to think of the road she has a head and that i'm not there but i'm so glad she has a road ahead. all i can say is that i'm so grateful my mom is alive and that I know the gospel is true. I've been so comforted and that is a big testament to me that the Atonement is real and The Holy Ghost is an amazing companion to have in this life. Elder Ballard came and talked to us yesterday and it was amazing. there was such a strong spirit. Two elders played I am a child of God on the piano and violing and it was beautiful. The words went through my head and i cried as i thought of and felt of my father in Heaven's love and of the wonderful earthly home i have and of my parents kind and dear. I am far away. I heard of a quote that says we all have to face adversity but it takes courage to face uncertainty. Don't lose hope. Have courage. Help our sweet mom. I just keep thinking of how bad she is going to feel.. love her extra for me. I'll do all i can here. I love being a missionary. I love all of you.


Love me

out of time!

I only had 30 minutes and i got kicked off but an elder is letting me use the last ten minutes of his time! All is well... this is soooo different from the country but it's awesome.. i'm excited to keep figuring it out! I've really been bad at writing letters..i'm sorry! I'll try and do better! I hope all is well i love the you all and thank you! sorry  this is so short i'm going to write more next week. Lots of adventures here in the city! i'm grateful for the gospel! i love you! Ya for Holly and Mark this weekend i will think of you lots! love me!

Wow. Happy THanksgiving!

What a change! All is well. Sister Hakaraia from New Zealand is awesome! she thinks it's way cool that you served there dad and she said we can stay with her when we visit someday:) She says some of the funniest phrases but sister Rosenlof and I are catching on and i even catch myself talking like her already!She's only been out six weeks and i feel terrible that i have to rely on her so much. I wanted to be a helpful trainer but getting put somewhere where you know no one and have no idea where you are going is CRAZY. I now know what my sweet Sister Simons felt like! So Sis HAk ( i'm going to shorten it) has done two things that remind me of you dad, things you've told me about new zealand. We had Thanksgiving dinner last night.. it's in october here.. weird eh? And she mixed all her food together like me....and then i remembered you learned that in New Zealand. Then we were doing dishes afterwards and she was washing and a sweet investigator from mexico was drying and i came over and he was like this is a weird way to do dishes.. and she wasn't rinsing the soap off! haha. So i was the rinser and he was like ok this is normal. Oh and heather she say's 7:30 in her new zealand accent all the time and it's awesome.. i think of you :) I LOVE being around so many different cultures again. I met a lady from the DR and it was fun to talk to her about going there and about you Holly. This place reminds me so much of my time in Russia there is a big ukranian church next to our chapel and it looks like a russian building.. ill attach a picture. Our chapel is really cool cause it is very different. and we ride the subway and buses and I've just had so many wonderful experiences on them in Russia so it's not foreign to me at all. I love having so many people to talk to. So we lost our sweet Sis Rosenlof on her first day! We weren't sure what subway stop we were suppossed to get off and then it was time and she didn't make it off. We felt terrible!!! So Sis Hak went ahead to see if she hopefully got off at the next one and I stayed to see if she came back. We took our tags off cause that's what you do but i was talking to a lady and gave her a pass along card and then a man came up to me and said do you know who i am.. it was brother bradshaw that jen knows! We only had a second cause his train came but what are the odds that he picked me out when i was seperated from my companions! So we retrieved her quickly and all is well... poor thing! This area has done amazing! On sunday Leonard who was baptized three weeks ago recieved the priesthood and baptized Mandla who is his friend but they didn't know that they were both learning about the church when they started. And the Sergio was baptized last week and received the Holy Ghost. And then MAndla and Sergio bore there testimonies at the President's fireside... phenomenal! and they are way amazing converts! Leonard is from Kenya, Mandla is from Swaziland, and Sergio is Armenian but raised in Lebanon. SO COOL! Mandla speaks like the people in the Gods must be crazy.. with all the clicks.. it is soooooo cool! He left us a message yesterday and he so happy and says ready to keep fighting for the celestial kingdom. he is So humble and I have learned so much from them and i've only been here less than a week. Wow. So everything is great! I love the gospel. I bought boots that are good for -45 degrees and i'm so excited to have warm feet this winter especially in a bus area. I'm so blessed. HOlly and Mark I'm sooo excited that your wedding is soo close! I love you all! love me!

My new companions :)


Our Chapel

The Ukranian chapel that makes me feel like i'm in russia!

BIG CHANGES!

So i recieved very humbling news this week. I'm going to be training in down town toronto. There will actually be three of us me, sister Hakaraia who is from New Zealand and has been out 6 weeks and then a new sister that will get here tomorrow. It's a bus area and so i'm going from one extreme to another. I'm so excited for all the adventures that are ahead.. pray for me. Patrick came to conference and was very impressed and he is just great. We've been so blessed and though i'm sad i'll miss his baptism i'm just so happy for him. I felt like so many of the conference talks were just for me. I loved hearing so much of hope and of being patient and grateful when God lets us struggle and that we need to be so watchful and careful. I thought so much of how all of you have done so much for me in helping choose good things and stay away from evil. Mostly be your examples. I'm sooo grateful. So sister swim and i are sad to part.. we've had the craziest experiences and it's funny cause we've been out in the country. This week we had a bird poop on my hand while we were tracting.. that was disconcerting. We taught a lesson about the word of wisdom where we took a water bottle and fillled it up with musturd and sesame oil and all sorts of stuff to show how bad substances make us unpure and afterward the people dumped it out for us and gave us it back. Well we have water bottles everywhere and we are always filling them up and we were just starting planning when sister swim took a drink of a newly filled water bottle. it registered to both of us at the same time that she was drinking out of that sick water bottle and her face was priceless hahaha! I'm trying to think of what else has been going on... while tracting this week i asked to adults if there parents were home cause they looked so young. they were not impressed. i haven't had that problem my whole mission and then withing two days i did it twice. We have met some of the sweetest kids lately... this one lady pretty harshly rejected us and her little boy went off and was like thanks so much for the offer though.. try those guys over there they like it... then when we were walking away we heard him say.. oh that was so nice of them. It made our day. Thanks so much for the oreo's mom... we didn an official test to see if american oreo's are better or canadian. We took it to Nikki to try them both and she was very thorough and the verdict was.. American oreo's are better :) We went to the old folks home for my last time and it was one of my sweetest.I fed one guy strawberry shortcake and he kept smiling so big. I gathered a bunch of wheel chairs around me and talked and sang to an old man a few old ladies there hands were cold so i took turns holding there hands... two of them kept kissing my hands.. they couldn't even talk. I'm just so grateful to know of the plan God has for us. I was thinking of them in there resurrected perfect bodies. It made think of Max as well since his birthday is coming up and I just felt so sure that there is so much more after this life. I'm thankful for that! Wow. I've loved the country. The people here are amazing and i'm so grateful i had the chance to serve here. I get all spectrums in this mission and i love it! I love you all... sorry to those i haven't had a chance to write back to yet.. you are not forgotten! I love you.All is well and i'm sure my next email will be a frantic one!

Sister savage

one of the members dog had puppies.. that is a brand new one... i've never seen one in real life before..it was the sweetest thing and they made the cutest noises. The mom kept sitting on them.. i kept thinking woah take it easy they just got here!

My last district